Style Conversational Week 1190: The Madden crowd



    Remembering Mary Ann Madden, the (unwitting) inspiration for The
    Style Invitational


"William Shakespeare" anagrams to "Is A Sperm Like A Whale?" --
something explored in verse by Francis Heaney in his collection "Holy
Tango of Literature," with marvelous illustrations by Richard Thompson.
Richard died July 27 of Parkinson's disease; a public memorial service
will be held Aug. 27. Details below. (Richard Thompson in "Holy Tango of
Literature"/Emms Humor, 2004)
By Pat Myers <https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/pat-myers/>
<https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/pat-myers/>
Pat Myers

<https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/pat-myers/>
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
Email //

<mailto:pat.myers@washpost.com?subject='Style%20Conversational%20Week%201190:%20The%20Madden%20crowd'>
Bio //

<https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/pat-myers/> Follow //

<https://twitter.com/patmyersTWP>
August 25, 2016

In this week’s Style Invitational contest, I note that my predecessor,
the Czar, was “a luckless entrant” to the New York Magazine Competition,
the long-running contest that inspired him to rip it off many years
later. What I hadn’t remembered until last night was that the single
NYMag contest he entered was a Game of Dan Greenburg — the very one I
chose for Week 1190 <http://bit.ly/invite1190> in memory of Mary Ann
Madden, who founded the contest in 1969 and continued it, two out of
each three weeks, until her retirement after No. 973 in 2000.

As Mr. Czar recounted in his first go at this contest, in July 2000: “As
a youth, the Czar assiduously read the New York Magazine Competition,
and even entered once. It was a contest, often repeated, in which the
reader was to create a list of 25 names [actually fewer], each linked in
some way to the name before, ending with the first name on the list. The
young Czar’s entry included the link ‘U.S. Grant/Ford Foundation,’ which
he considered very clever and which in fact appeared in print, but
attributed to someone else. On that day, at the age of 19, choking on
bile, the Czar vowed that someday he would seize control of the feature
pages of a major American newspaper and start a contest of his own in
which he was free to misattribute entries, too.”

That contest was in honor of Mary Ann’s retirement. And we honor her
again, after her death July 25 at age 82.

According to a fascinating New York Times obit
<http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/04/business/media/mary-ann-madden-creator-of-wordplay-contests-dies-at-83.html?_r=0>and
New York Magazine’s own appreciation
<http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/07/remembering-mary-ann-madden.html>,
Madden got her job at the almost-new magazine on the recommendation of
her good friend Stephen Sondheim; often she gave ink to other pals in
the New York artsy scene, including Mike Nichols, David Mamet and David
Halberstam, along with less famous but probably more clever wordsmiths
-- notably including Chris Doyle, who was such a mainstay that he’s
cited in the NYMag appreciation. Chris tells me that it was common
practice to enter the contest under multiple names to get around the
magazine’s one-entry-per-contest rule -- a practice that Madden chose
not to notice -- so he’s actually even a bigger presence in the NYMag
archives than we can see.

But it was news to me that, as the appreciation notes, Madden not only
edited the entries to improve them, but she’d actually write entries
herself under assumed names, such as “Grace Katz” (she had a cat named
Grace). The Czar and Empress readily acknowledge editing entries -- our
rules note this -- but we don’t make up fake entries or use fake names.
Maybe it’s the difference between magazines and newspapers.

The Empress is scheduled to be meeting up this way on Friday afternoon
with some other Losers in this year's Loserfest in Pittsburgh. It’s
called Knockerball; hope they're not too greatly bent on revenge for
ink-robbery. (Christine Hochkeppel/telegram.com )

(I should note that the New York Magazine Competition wasrecently
revived
<http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/08/new-york-magazine-competition-no-76-im-not-a-politician.html>,
but in a half-assed fashion: it’s only online, it credits only user
names and Twitter handles, and the rules say that the unnamed judges
will give preference to get the most Likes and retweets. Which
conveniently feature the magazine’s hashtag. )

You can find replicas of many of the Mary Ann contests online, mostly
through Google Books. Including No. 774 (September 1993), which happened
to use this example for one of its Game of Dan Greenburg contests:

*Hillary Clinton, Wonder Woman, Dorothy Michaels, “Tootsie,” Jessica
Lange, Dr. Sam Sheppard, F. Lee Bailey, George Bailey, Donna Reed,
Hillary Clinton. *

As usual, Madden didn’t explain the links, which would be:
Dorothy Michaels is the character Dustin Hoffman creates in the movie
“Tootsie,” who becomes a soap opera star; Hoffman’s costar, Jessica
Lange, is married to actor-playwright Sam Shepard. Dr. Sam Sheppard was
the subject of a celebrated 1950s murder case that inspired the TV
series “The Fugitive”; Sheppard’s lawyer was F. Lee Bailey. George
Bailey was James Stewart’s character in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” which
also starred Donna Reed. As for Donna Reed to Hillary Clinton? Well,
except that both were blond Midwesterners who played the role of a
feisty but loyal wife, I don’t know. If there’s a more specific link you
can think of, let me know. Did Hillary once say she was no “Donna Reed”
stereotypical ’50s homemaker? I can’t find a quote like that.

But the real problem I have with the Hillary-Hillary chain above is that
none of the links is all that funny. Now lLet’s contrast these with the
top winners of the Invitational’s George W. Bush-George W. Bush chain
from Week 732 (2007), which called for 25-name strings; sometimes I
excerpted the best parts:

Fourth place: . . . . Alvin & the Chipmunks, Dave Saville, “The Barber
of Seville,” Beverly Sills, Beverly Hills, “The Beverly Hillbillies,”
Jethro Bodine, George W. Bush. (Robert Elwood)

Third place: George W. Bush, Bush’s Baked Beans, Washington Gas,
Gazprom, Putin, Stalin, Larry Craig, Idaho, Sen. David Vitter, Sen. Mary
Landrieu, Moon Landrieu, MoonPie, “Brownie,” “Turd Blossom,” “Scooter,”
Libby’s canned fruit, Mark Foley . . . (Larry Yungk)

Second place: George W. Bush, Karl Rove, Valerie Plame, Scooter Libby,
Pinocchio, Cyrano de Bergerac, Roxanne, Sting, Bea Arthur, Betty White,
Barry White, Isaac Hayes, Chef, Rachael Ray, Martha Stewart, Ken Lay,
Barbie, Skipper, Ginger, Geri Halliwell, Victoria Beckham, David
Beckham, Zinedine Zidane, Butthead, George W. Bush. (Laurie Brink)

And the Winner of the Inker: George W. Bush, Jenna Bush, the Jena 6,
James VI, Stuart Little, Mr. Big, God, Chuck Norris, Chuck Taylors,
Keds, K-Fed, Britney Spears, William the Conqueror, Norman Mailer, Neil
Postman, Will Wright, SimCity, Phil Simms, Disney World, Orlando Bloom,
Legolas, Jenna Elfman, the Dharma Initiative, “Lost,” George W. Bush.
(Danny Bravman)

So this time: Not so long as the above, but with similarly clever and
funny links. Like that amazing Britney Spears/ William the
Conqueror/Norman Mailer/Neil Postman/Will Wright run in Danny Bravman’s
entry.

I haven’t decided how much explanation we’ll end up giving to readers —
somewhere between nothing and everything, I predict. But because I spent
so much time last time contacting Losers and asking what the heck they
were getting at, this time I’m asking for that up front. Just put them
at least a line beneath the entry, so I can see if I can get it without
being told. (Yes, there have been times when I didn’t get an entry, but
acknowledged upon explanation that I should have, and dang, yeah, that’s
pretty good.)

This time there’s a new requirement — one I lifted straight from a Dan
Greenburg contest: The string of names must contain one (and only one)
title. A title /character,/ however, is not a title. “Moby-Dick”: a
title. Moby-Dick: a character. But the “no more than 15” limit does
indeed mean that you may send me shorter chains. “Contrasting names”?
I’ll leave that to you to interpret intelligently.

Mary Ann Madden, by the way, was not a big fan of The Style
Invitational, which began in 1993, seven years before she retired:
Despite the Czar’s many credits to her contest, she told one of her
contestants (who’s also a regular Loser) that she resented how the Czar
had “arrogated” her shtick.

*STOOL PEERS (LOSER POETS)*: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1186*
/(*Non-inking headline suggestion from Kevin Dopart)/

Here was a contest that far succeeded my expectations: A contest to
anagram a name and then write a poem about the result? It would be
perfect for a literary magazine, sure, but what about a humor contest
aimed at people who quite likely hadn’t studied poetry since high school?

No prob.

I modeled Week 1186 <http://bit.ly/invite1186>on the marvelous “Holy
Tango of Literature” by Francis Heaney (who unfortunately didn’t enter
this week’s contest). Heaney did in his book what many of this week’s
entrants did: anagrammed the name of a poet or playwright, then used the
resulting anagram as the subject of a parody of that writer’s work
(Heaney includes scenes from plays). I had broadened the contest to
allow for an anagram of anyone, since there aren’t all that many poets
whom Most People Out There are familiar with. But as you can see from
this week’s inking entries, the poet/parody model worked in many cases.
(Not in all: Robert Frost, yes; Robert Service, no.) There were far too
many excellent poems than I could use; I invite you to post your
“noinks” on the Style Invitational Devotees <http://on.fb.me/invdev>
page on Facebook.

I bought myself a copy of “Holy Tango,” and you should get one, too.
It’s out of print but available super-cheap on Amazon
<https://www.amazon.com/Holy-Tango-Literature-Francis-Heaney/dp/1578601592/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472150535&sr=8-1&keywords=holy+tango>.
The parodies are consistently brilliant, and there’s an enormous bonus:
Throughout the book are gorgeously witty pen-and-ink caricatures of the
poets, in the contexts of the parodies, by the great Richard Thompson,
like the one atop this column. Richard died a month ago at age 58 from
Parkinson’s complications; information about a memorial service this
Saturday are below.

This week’s results — as most every week’s do these days — focus on the
presidential campaign circus,

balanced by others in the Meanwhile, Life Goes On department.

It’s the first Inkin’ Memorial -- but likely not the last -- for Jesse
Frankovich, who’s been inking up the joint practically every week for
several months since he plunged into Loserdom after a few years of
occasional toe-dips. Jesse is a renowned anagram whiz, but it’s clear
that he’s a genuine Loserbard as well. Brendan Beary is a published
real-life poet, as are fellow inkers Robert Schechter, Frank Osen,
Melissa Balmain and possibly others this week. Danielle Nowlin continues
to shine in everything the Invite throws at her.

The novel member of the Losers’ Circle this week is Ray Gallucci, who
gets just his seventh blot of ink -- and his first “above the fold” --
with his exasperated view of this year’s choices.

There were a number of hilariously on-target (or ironic) anagrams that
weren’t quite matched by the poems themselves. They include:

Ruin Be Precise / Reince Priebus
TD Arm Boy / Tom Brady
Stomach Cleaner / Clarence Thomas
Wonder Trash/Howard Stern
Miserable Tit Junk/Justin Timberlake
Try Eel Sperm/Meryl Streep
Old West Action/Clint Eastwood (2 people)
Random Advice/David Cameron
Britney Spears / Presbyterians

*NOW, YA! / NO WAY: THE UNPRINTABLES*

Robert Schechter’s “Rectal Noun” for Ann Coulter, and Jesse Frankovich’s
“Aw, I Like Her Ample Ass” get real Invite ink (though not in the print
paper), but there were others that I think we should feature only here:

Ashen Dong / Ogden Nash
An ashen dong
Is seldom long
As the stud
Aflood with blood. (oh, it’s by Jesse again!)

And another Jesse!

Cusser’s To-Do / Doctor Seuss

Not on a train! I’d said I’ll pass!
Not in a car! Sam! Kiss my a$$!
I would not, could not, in a box.
I’d rather suck a dozen c****!
Not in a house, you stupid git!
Not with a mouse. They taste like $#:+!
I will not eat them here or there.
I’d f***ing hate them anywhere!
I do not like green eggs and ham!
I do not like them, dammit, Sam.

*REMEMBERING RICHARD THOMPSON*

There’s a public service this Saturday afternoon downtown at the
National Press Club. I’m so sorry I can’t be there. (I’ll be in
Pittsburgh.) Please see details here.
htttp://richardspooralmanac.blogspot.com/
<http://richardspooralmanac.blogspot.com/>

---

Well, we’re off to Pittsburgh to join a dozen Losers at this year’s
Loserfest trip. The Royal Consort drives, I judge entries in the car. I
hope to post photos on Facebook of me in a giant clear plastic
marshmallow, crashing into similar rolling dorks.